To adults living with ADHD: We want you to know that you are not alone. The following are quotes from adults with ADHD:

“I’ve always known there was something different about me, felt like I didn’t fit in.”

“It’s not that I’m not motivated, I literally feel like I CAN’T get myself to do these things.”

“I feel like there are two parts of myself who are at odds with each other.”

“I should have a lot of confidence, and yet I don’t, because I don’t trust myself.”

Because ADHD is, at its core, a disorder of self-management and self-regulation. People with ADHD often experience frustration related to their own behavior, sometimes feeling critical of themselves. This can lead to a default stance of “learned helplessness.” It can feel like there are two parts of self, the one that wants to do the thing, and the one that’s not doing the thing. The one that wants to show up consistently, and the one who is unpredictable at the point of performance. 

Because this internal inconsistency can be confusing, many people with ADHD start to look to others around them for feedback about how they’re doing. People with ADHD often get really good at picking up on how other people perceive them, but they often struggle to have a clear understanding of themselves.

Here is a two-step process for supporting people with ADHD in strengthening their self-image:
 
1. Neutral Awareness. Learning about the symptoms and patterns of ADHD gives a new lens or perspective on one’s own lived experience. The neutrality of this awareness is key, no judgment. Know that you are not alone. Learning about the clinical science and neurobiology of ADHD can bring some meaning to things that can feel arbitrary. 
 
2. Self compassion. Self compassion promotes resilience in response to the symptoms of ADHD. In order to build trust in oneself and emerge into a more self-confident and constructive stance from which to make positive changes in self-management, one must start from a place of self compassion. 
 
The practice of self-compassion is an approach that is well-documented as an effective method for supporting people with ADHD. Psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff describes self-compassion in 3 steps:

• Mindfulness. Neutral observation of the present moment. Take the time to be an unbiased observer of your own feelings and experiences.
• Common human identity. Recognize that suffering is an inevitable part of life. You are not alone.
• Self-kindness. Through repeated practice, develop a warm and understanding approach toward oneself. 

When we are able to clinically identify and support the executive function challenges, we can help people with ADHD to see themselves in a compassionate and understanding manner so that they can shift away from shame and into acceptance. This is where empowerment begins.

Self-compassion promotes clarity and resilience in response to the symptoms of ADHD. Clarity and resilience ultimately lead to creativity and empowerment.